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Symptom Onset

On March 4th, 2001, I began to experience myclonic jerks which involved involuntary jerks of the legs (primarily left) and jerking of the head. This followed a respiratory infection which started around February 13th, 2001 and lasted approximately 3 weeks. This infection precipitated myoclonus by approximately 3 to 4 weeks. With these myoclonic jerks, there was no involvement of the upper limbs. These jerks were mostly mild in intensity; however, they occurred very frequently after onset, often occurring more than 30 times a day. These myoclonic jerks continued daily.

Imitrex was introduced in 2001 at the onset of a 6 week migraine starting April 1st, 2001. Imitrex was not tolerated due to increase in blood pressure, chest pain, and difficulty breathing. This medication was eliminated.

On April 18th, 2001, I received an MRI which showed no structural abnormalities. I also received an EEG on this date which also showed no abnormalities. At this time in 2001, there were no known allergies.

In approximately May of 2001, I began to experience growing anxiety, paranoia, depression, and irritability. I sought help through my health insurance plan and was referred to a CBT Therapist for evaluation. After some time seeing this therapist, my psychiatric symptoms increased and she felt that I needed to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. I was referred to a Dr. S.P. during this time who gave me the following diagnosis’: BiPolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. He noted my intelligence to be “average” at this time.

I was treated by Dr. S.P. with several psychotropic drugs during an approximately one year period starting in mid-2001. I was treated initially with Valporate for mood disturbances associated with BiPolar disorder. It is to be noted that in journal entries at this time, I had also been told Valporate would treat my myoclonus. My myoclonus and migraines did respond to Valproate.

Dr. S.P. added Effexor in June of 2001 after a voluntary hospitalisation for depression and suicidal ideation. I later note in journals that I was told the medication would take time to become effective but I did not see benefits from this combination of medications. To this list of medications was added Lithium, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Klonopine because of increasing depression, anxiety, insomnia, and mania. I began to suffer panic attacks around this time.

It is noted in  journals that on August 19th, I suffered from dizziness and muscle weakness. My partner strongly suggested that I go to the ER or Urgent Care. I declined, reporting that I had been suffering these symptoms for several weeks. I had also reported weakness in the hands around the time of some of the myoclonic episodes which were accompanied by migraine.

In December, under Dr. S.P.’s care, I noted to him that I was frequently experiencing fevers.

At the beginning of January, 2002 I noted to my CBT therapist that I was having lucidity issues and exhibiting erratic behaviour, aggressiveness, strange behavour, depression, and suicideal ideation. I also noted that I had no desire to harm myself or others.

In February of 2002, Dr. S.P. added Adavan to my list of medications. Lithium is mentioned in my journals but I did not note nor do I recall what or when this was added and removed from my list of medications.

In April of 2002, I report a list of medications perscribed by Dr. S.P. of: Valproate, Zyprexa, Adavan, Ambien, Effexor, Seroquel, and Klonopine. During this month, I experienced a severe depressive episode which lead to serious self-harm and was seen by a crisis counselor.  A few days later, on April 27th, I was admitted to Urgent Care with high blood pressure and a fever of 100.9 F. I had been complaining for several days of fevers and increasing psychiatric disturbances. Less than a week later I was admited to the ER by ambulance for a drug over dose of the above medications over a four day period.

After discharge, I was taken home by my parents and no further psychitric evaluation was made. It was noted in a prior in-patient stay that I was admitted with “fever” by Dr. S.P.  At the conclusion of this ER stay, I subsequently lost my home, insurance, and was receiving some CBT therapy and occasional appointments with Dr. S.P., who later discharged me as I was not responsive to psychotropic medications, intensive outpatient therapy, or private CBT therapy.

This website is not a substitute for independent professional advice. Nothing contained in this site is intended to be used as medical advice. No articles, personal accounts, or other content are intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, nor should it be used for therapeutic purposes or as a substitute for your own health professionals advice.

June – July 2001

June 2nd, 2001

Migraine(s) persisting. Unsure by journal if this is the same migraine or if it has been somewhat helped by whatever GP has prescribed. Again beginning to feel sick, potentially a cold.

11:45 AM

“I feel really ill right now. Out of no where … I feel sick. I think I am fevery and I must lie down. I started an email and by the end … I felt really nauseated and my head feels warm … I feel really sick.”

June 6th, 2001

“I find more and more that … I am disconnected. I’ve had the seizures three nights in a row … so scary last night that my neck hurt and my ear throbbed and I’m not sure what exactly I did. I know my head snapped back and forth … but it’s kind of a vague memory. My neck is sore today … my shoulders are tense and painful. I feel like it’s going to continue tonight … I know it will. I was sitting in the laundry room and I started to get muscle twitches and as I tried to close my eyes to relax … I felt my body kind of lurch. I got scared so I tried to move around a bit and not relax … so as not to have a seizure on the counter and fall off.

But back to being disconnected. I am having this fucked up relationship w/ my body … my head is getting worse … in ways that scare me and I’m not sure will make sense if I try to explain. I feel like … I am only some what present in reality … enough to look normal but not enough to be normal. And I find I say strange disconnected things that seem fine to me but people look at me odd when I say them…”

June 11th, 2011

7:53 pm

“ I am having more seizures and my hands are starting to fail on me. This last week as the seizures have gotten worse my hands have started to turn colors … have lost a considerable amount of their strength and they are sore and almost … numb like. I was sitting up last night fully awake when I had two totally random seizures and this strangest pains in my head I think I’ve ever had.”

“After only a few minutes w/ my therapist … I think she knew that it wasn’t improving. She asked if a medical leave mightbe good for me after all. She said she didn’t want me to be alone or idle but on the other hand she wanted me to take break and try some medicine and get myself feeling better asap because m state of mind was becoming worrisome. She said she though that hospitalization might be a good idea and as I sobbed silently in my chair, I nodded in agreement. “

 

June 12th, 2001

6:42 PM

“So she emphasized how important it was for me to see a psychiatrist for immediate medical eval … and that I start group immediately … as in tomorrow night. She also agreed w/ my therapist that medical leave could make all the difference in my sanity. She said I have been living w/ this pain for too long … now is the time to get help and make myself better. I agreed, shaking and crying saying “i can’t do this another day … i can’t do this any more … i need it to stop”.

“I said I literally can not do this any more. I have done it day in and out for six months. I handled things just too well … I knew I had to crack some time and this is that time.”

June 13th, 2001

“I saw the psychiatrist today and well … that flew right by. I told him all my symptoms and he concluded that … he believes it’s bi polar disorder and really that didn’t surprise me. He went over what he could gather from the answers to the questions he had asked me and said he believed that that was indeed what was wrong w/ me. He proscribed Depakote which “Jedi” is taking for his migraines and which the neurologist also suggested for my seizures. He said that we’d just have to see what happens w/ it. He thinks that a neurochemical imbalance is causing the seizures and that the Depakote will help all my symptoms … all that are making normal life incredibly difficult for me. I am to take it twice a day and it is supposed to make me tired. After 3 weeks he wants to see how I am doing on the low dosage and we’ll adjust accordingly. “

 

June 20th, 2001

Wrote about being hospitalised for 24 hours and put on Depakote and Effexor. No clue the prior day about this coming. Did not indicate why I went to the hospital.

 

June 30th, 2001

“I am depressed. The meds will kick in they say and I’ll feel different. This is good because I can’t feel this way anymore … if I continue to get this depressed I will kill myself. I know I can’t pull myself up again and again. It’s hard to understand for those of you that are totally mentally healthy but I get so depressed that logic … no longer kicks in and all that matters is that I feel so horrible that I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. And then I get so manic that … I could conquer the world. It’s going to be a series of feelings I’ll both miss and be able to do w/o. I’m confused.”

This website is not a substitute for independent professional advice. Nothing contained in this site is intended to be used as medical advice. No articles, personal accounts, or other content are intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, nor should it be used for therapeutic purposes or as a substitute for your own health professionals advice.